I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
