I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am available for nakedness
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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