if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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