Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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