I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
