so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
