I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
