Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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