Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
