I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
