Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
