I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
a search helicopter?!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
