i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
