I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
