Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
