At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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