what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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