AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
