i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
