i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
