did you get engaged???
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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