i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
