the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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