that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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