Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
