you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
