that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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