We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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