just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
