Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
