I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
