I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
