Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
