Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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