I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
