If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
