Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
