Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
