First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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