Cold hands, warm shart.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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