dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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