I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
