My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
