I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
