As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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