I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
