i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
