totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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