I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
