Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
