FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
