the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
