It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
